Scott's Silly Answers

How did Moses cross the Red Sea?

One can ask why Moses crossed the Red Sea (because chickens can’t swim? to retrieve his Aerobie? . . . ) but most people, however, only worry over how he did it—a question that has divided Sabbath school teachers and kids through song for years.
The song, which has various sets of words depending on which church you attend, asks, “Did he walk?” and answers, “No, no!” This demolishes the commonly believed concept that the waters parted and Moses walked across, one foot in front of the other.
Did he jump across? Not unless he had a trail bike and a 200 m ramp. YEEEEEEHAAAAAA!!!!
Maybe he hopped? There’s no mention of empty potato sacks being utilised for this mode of transport either. No? No? No! NO!
Maybe he ran—being excited and all . . . nope. An old knee injury prevented that.
Did he use a giant papyrus glider to fly across? No. Scholars say Moses was probably the type to get air- and seasick—resulting from his bulrushes experience. An ark had been “so done before” anyway and probably wouldn’t have made the Bible as a story.
So how did he get across?
According to the ancient song, “God blew with his wind (puff, puff, puff, puff . . . just enough nuff nuff) and through the sea He made a path.” but the song pretty much ends its helpfulness there.
Exodus 14:22 says there was a wall of water on each side, kind of like a half-pipe. Maybe Moses wakeboarded up and down the walls all the way across?
Actually, according to Exodus 13:19, Moses was carrying the bones of Joseph around. As with trying to carry an armful of firewood, dropping one piece causes two more to drop while picking up the first. Moses must have had the same problem with old Jo’s bones, so couldn’t have been frivolous in his crossing.
Tunnelling is not a possibility. You can imagine the cost of the tolls to take all the Israelites through. Oh, and the emissions from all the sheep in the tunnel . . . phewff, no thanks!
The only reasonable explanation left is teleportation, which funnily enough doesn’t work over water, hence the parting of the sea. It was a common form of travel back then, spoken as, “to ‘tell’ someone to go somewhere.” Check out Exodus 14:15, 16.
Whatever the actual answer, it’s a truly remarkable story that demonstrates God’s power to get people out of a tricky situation.