My Friend is in a Wheelchair

Q> I have a friend who is in a wheelchair. Our youth group finds it hard to relate to her and include her in our activities. Any hints on how to keep her involved?—Tegan

A> Your youth group may have certain preconceived fears about a person with a disability, which makes it hard for them to relate to her. One of the most important things is to educate yourselves about a person’s disability. Even though a person is physically different, they are just like you on the inside.
The golden rule applies: treat the person how you would like to be treated. Try sitting in someone else’s (wheel) chair to see how they feel.
Here are some suggestions.

• To find out about your friend’s disability, ask your friend if she feels comfortable telling the group how she came to be in the wheelchair. Or ask your friend if you can tell the story on her behalf. Fear comes from a lack of understanding.
• People with a disability have needs and wants just like ours; so you would take the same steps to get to know them as you would a person who doesn’t have a disability. Get to know their interests, what they enjoy, and try to organise some events they can participate in.
• Organise a buddy system. Find people who are sincere about getting to know your friend and making sure she is included. Organise a designated driver for transporting her to events. If people are willing to be patient, you will be surprised how much your friend can participate. Having a few people take turns means one person is not the sole carer (often resentment and frustration comes from being given constant responsibilities).
• A disabled person also needs to understand how to make friends. They should not always act like they are a victim; they also have a role in including themselves in the group. They need to participate to the best of their ability, but if unable to, then encourage them to keep in close proximity so they are still part of the group and not left out.
• Like everyone, a person with a disability will have times of insecurity and loneliness. Take the time to get to know someone before you judge their character and abilities. The only way to get to know someone is to spend time with them and talk.
• Don’t assume you know what the disabled person’s needs are, or patronise them.
• Respect their independence. Recognise the level of assistance they want to accept from others.
• Remember, even those of us with no obvious disability have different levels of skill.

Overall, by listening to your friend’s needs, understanding her restrictions and capabilities, you will be able to include her in your group.