Surviving Sexual Abuse

Q> My friend recently told me she has been sexually abused. I would like to know how to support my friend and offer her some information about how she can survive this terrible experience.—Renee, 18

A> Sexual abuse is a topic that is widely publicised and spoken about at an educational or academic level. However, it continues to be treated as a taboo topic and is not often spoken about among families and friends. I’m going to be straightforward and tell you about the effects of sexual abuse, supporting someone who has been sexually abused and how someone can start the survival process.

It is important to note that it happens to males as well as females and is devastating for both genders. If someone trusts you enough to share their experience with you, don’t go sharing it with people who do not need to know about it. But do share it with a trusted adult to assist with getting support.

The effect of sexual abuse impacts all areas of a victim’s life. Emotionally they experience issues with trust, security, helplessness, guilt, shame, anger, flashbacks and a sense of loneliness in keeping it to themself. Physically they see their body differently, relate to people differently, may become introvert or extremely extroverted. They may even begin to hate who they are. Mentally they ask questions such as Why? What should I do about it? Will I be hurt again? They question their self-worth. Spiritually they question God about why He would let this happen. What purpose could this have in my life? Generally their whole world is impacted, and the abuse undermines their foundation and the beliefs they had formed about themself.

Supporting a friend or family member who has been abused can be very difficult. It is important to make sure the person knows that you believe them. Acknowledge what has happened, what they are feeling and encourage them to seek support. Be open to assisting in anyway they need; however, have clear boundaries about how this can happen.

Do not expect any particular behaviour from them; different people deal with things in different ways. Don't make judgments or support the abuser. Don’t put pressure on yourself thinking that you must come up with complex solutions for your friend's complex issues. Sometimes the simple solutions and ideas can help the most. Make sure they are physically safe from both the perpetrator or from harming themself.

Becoming a survivor of sexual abuse means getting to a stage where the effect of the experience does not control the victim. They begin to have a positive view about themself and start to trust others and form positive relationships. Surviving is impacted by people believing the abuse happened, feeling safe that it won’t happen again, and having people support them through the healing process.

To begin that process they should find people they trust to talk too, seek professional help, find appropriate outlets for their feelings, understand it is not their fault, and get a sense of who they are now and how the experience might impact their life. Sexual abuse will always impact on a person’s life at some level, either consciously or unconsciously. Support is vital to get to the point where the victim can say, “I have survived sexual abuse.”