Shoo Shy

Q> I like meeting new people, but I’m very shy and don’t know how to approach others or make conversation. I’m scared I will look stupid. Can you help me relate to others easily and feel more comfortable in group situations?—Anna

A> Shyness can be very debilitating and can make people feel isolated and anxious within their world.

Have you heard the saying, “You have to fake it till you make it?” You need to start acting the way you would like to be, and eventually being that way will become more natural.

A lack of confidence can sometimes be a reason for shyness. Start by telling yourself how important you are. Use positive affirmations. Tell yourself that you are capable of meeting new people, making conversation and are an interesting person to be around. Tell yourself each morning, “I am an interesting person who likes meeting new people and I have something of interest to offer others.” Say this to yourself five times a day for three weeks and you will start to believe it.

The next area to explore is your conversation topics. Pick two or three areas you’re interested in and develop your knowledge in these areas. Then pick two or three general topics you don’t know much about and learn about them. This way you will have plenty you feel comfortable talking about.

It is also a good idea to stay aware of current events as they are an easy way to open conversations with people.

Now that you’ve developed some confidence through your knowledge, it is important to practise.

First, practise in front of the mirror. This may sound strange, but by hearing what you say and by seeing how you express it, you will realise you do it as well as anyone else. You will learn what words make you nervous and what mannerisms you like or dislike.

Next practise with the family at home around the dinner table. If you have the sort of family you share things with, tell them about your new adventure in overcoming shyness and enlist their help.

Then, pick a small group of people you are comfortable with and begin to become more vocal. Once you feel comfortable, join a larger group. Finally, join some people you know only through others—say from school, uni or church. This way you will slowly challenge yourself and build up your confidence.
Don’t try to rush the process. Attempt it over a few months.

If you have a positive result, then you will want to continue your new-found skills. However, if you have a negative experience, remember it takes the others in the group to assist in making conversation. It could be the people you chose to talk to that made the situation uncomfortable.

Remember to start with you might need to fake it till you make it. Who knows, you might even trick yourself into really being more confident around other people.