Forgiveness

A crisis has recently occurred in our family. There is a lot of talk about forgiveness as it is an immediate family member.
My worry is this; if I forgive, am I accepting the behaviour and opening myself up to be vulnerable again? What are your thoughts?

Forgiveness is an area people are often confused about. Two important issues raised are relating forgiveness to condolence and feeling vulnerable. However, this does not have to be the case.
Often we do not feel like forgiving, but forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. God has given us the gift of forgiveness. We need to be just as responsible for our reaction to the original action that needs forgiving.

What forgiveness is not:
> It is not a feeling, it is a choice. Feelings can be restored.
> It is not earned. It does not mean the other person now “owes” you.
> It does not mean the other person was or is right.
> It does not mean all pain is instantly removed and the relationship returns to how it was.
> It does not mean appropriate personal boundaries are jeopardised.

What forgiveness is:
> It is a lifestyle, not a one-off event. You need to act as if you forgive, not continuing to persecute the person who hurt you.
> We need to remind ourselves we need to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Why forgiving is important for the person treated wrongly:
> If we have unforgiveness, we are operating our lives from resentment and anger. This will infiltrate all areas of our lives.
> Without forgiveness you cannot heal. Don’t let someone control your life through your feelings for them.
> It is stated clearly in the Bible that if we do not forgive others, then God cannot forgive us our wrongs.
> Forgiveness takes the weight of being judge off your shoulders.

Why forgiveness is important for the person who did the wrong:
> They need a chance to right their behaviour and to rebuild relationships.
> Forgiveness can contribute to healing.

The above information may come across as rather matter-of-fact. Forgiveness, however, can be difficult because it relates to hurts and mistrust. You will know when your process of forgiveness is completed when you can wish the best for the person who wronged you. Only God can really direct our lives to forgiveness.