Break-up

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me fi ve weeks ago. It’s the fi rst time that I’ve been in this situation and I don’t really know what to do. Being an Adventist who believes in God is making things even more confusing as I don’t know if I should be just trusting in God and the plan that He has for me in life or if I should be seeking professional help.

Ending a relationship is never easy. All of a sudden, after we have missed them for a while, we can remember only the good things about them.

The reality is we can usually sense a break-up sometime before it happens. Some signs include becoming annoyed at things that previously we liked, one person creating a distance, phone calls become short and infrequent. I am surprised at how many young people think that the fi rst serious relationship they have will be it , resulting in marriage.

What to do after a break-up is a good question.

Just because it is the fi rst relationship, or because you are young or because the relationship may have been short, doesn’t mean there is not a time for grieving.

This usually includes a period when you feel down, reminisce, listen to music etc. This is followed by “I don’t need them in my life anyway” mindset. Then comes the time when you start reconnecting with friends, going out and getting your life back together.

The important thing is to give the relationship a bit of analysis to work out what went well and things that could be improved on. This means you will actually learn from the experience and be aware of how to conduct yourself next time. Often we blame ourselves excessively for things going wrong, and often it involves changes for both people who were involved.

It is important for both professional assistance and God’s plan for us to be considered in guiding your choices. Professional help can look at your personality traits, the way you handle confl ict and communicate, determine your consideration of others and assist you to work out what is important to you in life.

Formulating a profi le of important traits in a partner is a good thing to do. For instance, being an Adventist is important to you and therefore someone who shares your faith would be important.

Professional help simply assists you in understanding where you are at and where you want to go.

God’s direction is the most important thing of all. Listening to His direction means we are going to get it right. We are told God knows us intimately before we are even conceived. So we should listen to what advice He has. You need to ask God direct questions, then sit quietly and wait for His answer. He will direct us to the right person to be our lifelong partner. He is the ultimate authority.

It’s important to keep in mind that no relationship is perfect and no individual is perfect. In fact, relationships need ongoing fi netuning and changes. Good luck with moving on and gaining a better understanding of yourself and others.