Abstinence in a Sex-crazed World

If you ask people what the words abstinence and chastity mean, you will get mixed responses.

Some might say they are “words used in the 40s and 50s” or “some big Christian jargon super-special word that nobody knows what it means.” What it really means is simple—saying no to sex when dating.

A recent survey by Dolly magazine found that almost half of all teenage girls who have had sex regretted it. Of those, 53 per cent said they felt “used,” while 40 per cent felt “under pressure” (The Sun Herald, Nov 30, 2003, p 46). There is a huge anti-sex before marriage revolution going on in society. In the face of so much media pressure and increased incidence of sexual diseases, people just want to connect with one person who will be faithful and true. It’s interesting to hear people like music legend Lenny Kravitz say in a recent interview, “I’m serious. Sex doesn’t do it for me,” he insists. “The last thing I’m interested in is in a one-night stand. . . . What I want is someone to talk to . . . someone whose spirit connects with my own” (The Sunday Telegraph, May 15, 2004).

The fact is sex doesn’t totally connect you with another person. It’s only part of the bigger picture. One that God has already outlined for us (Genesis 2:18-24). There’s so much more to this life and relationships are just part of the fun of living.

I say this because I talk to heaps of young people who base their total self-worth and identity in having or not having a girl/boyfriend relationship.

However, I’m not here to tell you not to have sex before marriage. You’ve probably heard that already. Instead, what I’d like to do is alert you to other exciting possibilities in relationships.

CONSIDER ALTERNATive-TO-SEX OPTIONS WHEN DATING

A lot of young people get bored when dating and don’t put much effort into thinking creatively. So many get involved in sex because they are “bored,” or just too lazy to get out there and do something different.
Here are a few exciting things to try out on a date:

• Go bungee jumping
• Go skydiving
• Go on group dates to fun parks
• Go waterskiing
• Go and volunteer your time to a charity, eg Meals on Wheels
• Go and organise a community event, eg fun runs, Cancer Council fundraisers
• Go and join an acting and drama club
• Go rock climbing and abseiling
• Go to a music concert (and take someone who can’t afford it with you)
• Go and get involved in a youth group, Scouts, Pathfinders, church
• Go and grab a group of friends, paint your faces, put on some wigs and visit a children’s hospital. Believe me, not only will the kids love it, but you’ll get a huge kick out of it too.

Take ownership in your relationships. Put some effort and thought into it. Don’t get bored into something you’ll regret. But don’t get so serious about it. Remember, relationships are supposed to be fun.