IF JANE AUSTEN WROTE FOR THE Seventh-day Adventist Church, some times I think it would have been some thing like this: “It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single person of Adventist persuasion must be in want of a husband/wife (delete as appropriate) . . .”
It seems there are always people who want to examine your fingers for a ring, possibly of the diamond variety, located on the third finger of the left hand. It’s not just the Adventist Church; most other denom-
inations have succumbed to this phenome non where once a certain age is reached, it seems like every interaction of a single person with a similarly single member of the opposite sex is viewed by some others at
church as being the potential for so much more (and they’re already planning what colour cardigans to knit for the babies).
I’m sure these people mean well when they ask about your marital status and whether you’d like to come to lunch to meet Mr X, third cousin of the organist and quite a nice man with all of his own teeth.
Of course, there are people in the church who are single and don’t mind that happening.
Then again, there are some of us who do find it a little wearing.
Strangely enough, some of us out here don’t mind being single, even though there seems to be a lot of Christian “dating advice” and general perceptions that run contrary to that, implying that being single
is to be endured, not enjoyed, until someone comes along (in God’s time) to fill some emotional void and make you more of a valid person. This can almost be insulting, causing one to wonder, when single, about
why you wouldn’t be seen as being equally happy and fulfilled as your married counterparts.
I’m not going to say that there aren’t times that being single isn’t much fun.
Issues like loneliness can arise and there are sometimes moments where single people can be marginalised because of their status, even though people without partners are starting to make up a greater percentage of
the church and the general community.
The term singlealso tends to conjure up the image of a young never-married person without children, which ignores the fact that being single can be something that occurs at any age, with any number of children and even grandchildren. This can mean that some single people don’t have their needs met or they feel that their
worship interaction with others is limited.
The early Christian church actually supported people who were single, like widows or those who had chosen not to get married so that they could focus on their commitment to God and witnessing about Him.
Being single was seen to be as valid an option as marriage by Paul (see 1 Corinthians 7).
Neither situation was to be pitied or seen as less or more important than the other: “God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness” (1 Corinthians 7:7, NLT). The focus of the people was to be on God and telling other people about Him. It was important for the early church that everyone be working together, just as it’s important these days that we do the same.
Every person on the planet needs and desires to be loved, and as Christians we can give that to them, as well as point them to God, who is ultimately Love in the biggest and best form there could possibly be.
We also need each other for love and companionship, regardless of our marital status, gender or age. While the love we offer those around us may not be of the romantic variety, that doesn’t mean it’s any less important to show we care for the people we interact with every day.
Each one of us is a part of the church—the body of Christ—and should be working together. We should also be investing time with a variety of people with whom we perhaps wouldn’t normally interact.
Our differences and diversity are things that can be celebrated and learned from, rather than feared.
Perhaps we should also be rethinking where we’re focusing our attentions when it comes to relationships. Although our relationships with other people are important, they shouldn’t overtake our relationship with the most important individual of all—God. What we have with Him is the most important relationship we can ever be in.