Uncle Ernie on
hangin’ out at the shops

Going to the shops means different things to different people.

The other day we went to town. I’d seen this advert for those khaki shirts like the diggers used to wear in World War II. I never wore them. I was too young. And when the Korean War came along I was too old.
Anyway, like I said, I wanted to see these khaki shirts.
But outside the shopping centre there’s a bunch of kids hanging around. One young fella just about knocked us over as he went hurtling past on his skateboard.
“Why can’t they be like us?” I say to Kathleen. “They’re old enough to work aren’t they? Why do they have to hang around the shopping centre making a nuisance of themselves?”
And she turns round and glares at me like I was a snake. “Ern,” she says, “give them a break! You’re only young once.”
And I say, “When I was their age I was helping my dad milk the cows every day after school. I was not out on the street making a nuisance of myself.”
“Today is Sunday,” says Kathleen. “They deserve some time out for fun.”
“Hmmph! When I was their age I had a paper round on Sundays to earn some money. I’ve always done a decent day’s work like all other Aussie blokes. And it says in the Bible, if you won’t work you don’t eat.”
So then she tells me the Bible also says there is a time for everything. And that includes time for fun and friends.
This gives me the pip, because I don’t like it when people quote the Bible just to win an argument.
But she was only just getting started.
Kathleen says, “How do you work if you haven’t got a job?” And now her eyes are flashing and I can’t work out what she’s all excited about.
Anyway I told her, “Kids can always get a job just like my father got one for me.”
“And what if these kids haven’t got a father?” she asks.
And I say, “Don’t be ridiculous, everyone’s got a father.” I thought to myself, That’ll stop her—but actually it didn’t.
“You’re just over the top, Ern. I’m not going to waste my breath talking to you. You’re not prepared to give people a fair go.”
Then one of the kids comes up to us and asks for help. Her purse was stolen out of her bag, and she needs some money to catch the bus home.
And Kathleen hands over five dollars. That’s right, five dollars! That’s more than a whole week’s wages when I got my first job. Of course, it was pounds, shillings and pence back then. They should never have changed it.
“Stolen purse!” I sneer. “That’s a sob- story if I ever heard one. If these kids got themselves a job instead of hangin’ out at the shops, they’d have plenty of their own money.”
Kathleen says, “We’re going home.” And she heads toward the bus stop.
“We haven’t bought my shirt!” I call out to her.
“We’re not going to,” she says. “They cost $35 and you don’t need one. So now you’re $30 better off!”