Uncle Ernie on
Road Rage

Have you noticed how it’s always the other driver’s fault?

I was driving down the road the other day and a young bloke in a car in front of me stopped suddenly. No warning, just jammed on the brakes.
It really shook me up and when I got home Kathleen asked, “What’s wrong, Ernie?”
“I'm still annoyed with that bloke,” I said. “He had no right to pull up in front of me so quickly. He could have caused an accident. Especially when I was looking at the billboard. They shouldn't put billboards like that so close to the road.
“I blew the horn and I kept blowing it. And he stopped, and I got out of the car and told him off. And the silly idiot was shaking. And so he oughta.
“He said he stopped because of a dog. And I said, ‘You mug, you shouldn't stop for a dog.’
“I started to tell him off some more, said something about causing accidents, but he just got into his car and drove off.” By now I was shaking.
“Are you OK?” asked Kathleen.
“No, I’m not. I just realised what I said. I’m just as stupid as the young bloke. I shouldn’t have been looking at the billboard, should I?” and before she could agree I plunged on . . . “Not when there’s stupid young idiots like him careering down the road. Looking at the billboard isn’t safe when they’re around.”
“Hey, Ern,” Kathleen said, “tell me something. Which is the real Ern, the one getting stuck into this young kid who’s just learning to drive, or the one that says ‘sometimes I do stupid things too?’”
I said nothing. Just looked at her like she was a snake.
“Well, I went back to the car and blew the horn some more,” I said triumphantly.
“What did you do that for?” she says.
“That young bloke was way down the road and couldn't hear me blowing the horn so I knew I had to do something else to show him. And I didn't know what until I remembered what the pastor said last week about doing something significant for God. So, even though this wasn't exactly for God, I knew it was good advice. So I drove down the main street and blew the horn all the way. That'd show those young idiots not to stop suddenly in front of me when I'm looking at a billboard.”
“What happened then?” asked Kathleen.
“When I got to the end of the street I was even angrier than before. Serves 'em right, I reckon. If they don't want you to be angry with them, they know what to do. They shouldn’t make you angry in the first place. It's all their fault.
“I was so angry I couldn't sorta breathe properly. And I was shaking. So I just came home even though I couldn't remember where I was going or what I was going for. But at least I showed that young idiot how to behave in a vehicle.
“Y’know,” I continued, “the more I think about it, the more I realise that doing something significant is the best thing to do. I've probably prevented an accident. I might even have saved somebody's life, mightn’t I?”
Kathleen didn't answer. So I looked hard at her and said, a bit louder, “Mightn’t I?”
“Yeah,” she said. “It would be significant if you saved somebody's life. The trouble is, you might have caused an accident yourself, driving when you were so angry.”
“Well,” I said indignantly, “that just shows you what an idiot that young fella was, making me so angry I might have caused an accident!”