Australian IDLE
With the recent success of television’s search for an Australian idol, we’re pleased to announce a new search. This time we’re looking for the idle Australian.
That’s the announcement I’m expecting next from Channel 10. Why not?
Here’s the state-by-state qualifying process. Contestants line up in the street waiting to strut their stuff, strut their . . . , strut their. . . . How do you strut idle?
 You would qualify in groups instead of individually, competing against the others.
My group goes in. This is a compulsory standing audition to stop competitors going to sleep. I’ve thought ahead and bring one of those stop-go signs they use on the roads. I lean on it.
I try to draw the attention of the three judges to how idle I am—and that’s incredibly difficult when you have to be, well, idle. Two hours pass. We’re good at idle; no-one has been eliminated.
Then, disaster!
“You,” says Dicko. He points to me and then checks my name tag. “You, Bruce, I’m sorry, but that was a yawn. Too much activity. You’re out!”
“But, but . . .” about now there’s no idle in the brain. “But that was to emphasise how idle I am. I was being creative.”
“Too creative to be idle. If you want to be creative, go to macramé classes. For now, your sign is green—do what it says.”
I think about saying, “One day when I’m famous at idle, you’ll regret this moment.” But I remind myself that no-one will ever be famous for idle.
And then I wonder how come, when I see somebody talented win something, I wish there was a competition I could be good at. That I could perhaps invent an Olympic event I would have a chance of winning.
Soft focus dream sequence: “And the gold medal for spaghetti eating goes to Bruce Manners of Australia. Please stand for the national anthem.”
Bad dream.
Fortunately, about now I remember that God reckons I’m a winner—just for trusting Him. I can do that. And He thought I was a winner when I stood up for that little kid; when I chose not to cheat; and when I shared my fears with Him.
Winning with God has to be better than winning the idle Australian competition. The results will certainly last longer.
For now, I’ve taken Dicko’s advice. I’m learning macramé. There’s a rumour it could soon be an Olympic event.
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Bruce Manners (left) is senior pastor of
the Avondale College church.