Did you hear . . . ?

Gossip isn’t just something Perez Hilton’s good at—everyone’s done it at some point. Sharyn Brady explores how Christians can react to it (and no, it doesn’t involve telling others all about it).

Did you hear what she did?” “So, what’s the goss?” “You’ll never guess what I just heard!” Do any of those conversation openers sound familiar? Chances are, at some point in our lives, we have all been involved with gossip—either by starting it, listening to it, repeating it or being the subject of it. Gossip may seem like a relatively insignificant sin.

After all, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” right? Wrong.

Words have an incredible power over us, and while they may not leave physical injuries, they certainly inflict mental and emotional pain. When we gossip, we are damaging reputations and relationships.

Gossip comes in many different shapes and sizes, ranging from mild speculation to downright slander. It’s vital to recognise the damaging potential for gossip to wreak havoc in human lives, particularly in a small community such as a church, school or youth group. Gossip negatively impacts on our relationships with others, and it also distracts us from Christ—we get so caught up in earthly dramas that we lose sight of the eternal.

As a society, we are obsessed with gossip. It has become an entire industry, comprised of tabloid journalism and scandalous exposés, all focused on “getting the dirt” on celebrities.

Although gossip is stereotypically seen as a female activity, both males and females regularly engage in gossip by swapping information about mutual friends and acquaintances. Gossip was even a problem during Bible times—Paul writes to his young friend, Timothy, as well as to the churches concerning problems of gossip, backbiting and slander.

By its very nature, gossip opposes the ideals of Christ. Instead of loving people, it focuses on criticising them. Instead of believing the best of them, we are eager to believe the worst and then share that belief with others. In Ephesians 4:29,* Paul reminds the church: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Gossip uses words as weapons to divide and destroy, whereas God wishes His children to be united in love.

A lot of the best gossip material deals with the worst of human behaviour. It stirs up trouble and doubts about friends and family. Blaise Pascal once wrote, “I set it down as a fact that if all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.” That may seem like a pretty cynical outlook but it could be an accurate one. Have you ever said anything about one of your friends that you knew would hurt them if they found out? If you knew it would hurt them, why did you say it? That’s the real question, isn’t it? Most of us are aware that gossip is not a nice thing to do, and yet we do it anyway. People are motivated to gossip by feelings of curiosity, pride, resentment, jealousy or anger. Sometimes we gossip about people because we want to feel accepted or because we have low self-esteem.

It’s an ugly list of emotions, which is fitting because gossip can be a very ugly thing. When we gossip, we engage in a verbal game of one-upmanship, trying to feel better about ourselves by putting someone else down—usually behind their back. It’s a low thing to do. And yet we still do it.

Like most people, I’ve been guilty of gossiping. It isn’t something I’m proud of, and I never purposefully set out to do it.

But all of a sudden the conversation begins to lag, and I fall into the gossip trap. Often I wish I could take back what I said but by then, of course, it’s too late.

What is said can never be unsaid. When we gossip, we plant seeds of doubt about people, sowing dissension and reaping conflict. Gossip is a destructive and divisive force that exacerbates existing problems or creates entirely new ones. God’s kingdom is made up of people and, when we gossip about people, we are tearing down that kingdom rather than building it up.

Gossip usually occurs when people have too much time on their hands—they’ve got nothing better to do than speculate about the lives of others. In 1 Timothy 5:13, we read about women who focus all their energy on visiting their neighbours to collect and spread gossip. If you genuinely care about people and get involved in your local community, you will realise that gossip is a waste of time and energy. It could be put to more productive use in service of God and His kingdom.

When the adulterous woman was brought before Jesus, rather than judging her, He bent down and began to write the sins of her accusers in the sand. That must have been some prime gossip material! But that wasn’t what Jesus used it for. Even though He was privy to incredibly private information about people’s private failings, He didn’t use it to discredit them—only to remind them that they were equally guilty.

As humans, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Jesus said, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). When you think about it, gossip is really based on making judgments about other people—judgments that are often unfair or biased. The Bible instructs us to leave the judging part to God, who is able to see into our hearts and recognise our true motives. In Matthew 12:36, Jesus says that everyone “will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” This means we will be judged for the way in which we have judged others, and our consequent treatment of them. It’s a sobering thought, but it does make sense because when we judge others, we are revealing a lot about ourselves.

After all, one of the Ten Commandments warns against bearing false witness against our neighbour (see Exodus 20:16), and Jesus told us that the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbour as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Gossip is contrary to both these commandments—it may win us shortterm respect, but not in the long-term. Even if we are able to supply someone with a particularly juicy piece of gossip, they won’t respect us for breaking another person’s confidence. We need to be the trustworthy friend we would like others to be for us. It comes down to loving other people, respecting them and being deserving of their trust.

If you’re faced with gossip, here’s some practical advice: act in a loving and Christian manner. If you have an issue with someone or are concerned about them, talk to them rather than about them. Be considerate of other people’s feelings. If people around you are gossiping, you don’t have to listen, and you certainly don’t have to repeat it. Be the friend you would like to have.

We’re children of God. We’re better than small-minded conversation and petty rumours. We should pay less attention to the gossip grapevine and more attention to the fruits of the Spirit. As David prayed, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord” (Psalm 19:14). The words we speak are a reflection of our heart and God desires from us a pure and loving heart.

After all, as Christians we’ve been told the greatest news of all.

Instead of spreading gossip, let’s focus on what really matters— telling the good news.

*Bible quotations are from the New International Version.