Matters of the Heart

Greg was two years above me in school. The fastest sprinter in our primary school, he didn’t train; he was a natural.

In high school he was top of his class. He hardly ever studied. I once asked to watch him study for an exam. He quickly flicked through the pages of the text book. With his photographic memory he aced the exam. When I got to college he was finishing up his pre-med course. He was doing well, as expected, and had a beautiful girlfriend to boot.

A couple years later a friend came into my dorm room and told me to sit down. “Greg killed himself.” he said. “They broke up yesterday and he went to a hotel room and hung himself.”

What is it about our human nature that causes us to hastily dangle ourselves over the precipice of life and death as a solution to a temporary problem? It’s been happening ever since sin entered this planet. Elijah begged God to let him die rather than be caught by Jezebel (1 Kings 19:4); Jonah said he would rather die than see God be merciful to Nineveh (Jonah 4:9); King Saul fell on his own sword to escape the approaching enemy (1 Samuel 31:1-4); and Judas hung himself from a tree rather than face the forgiveness of Jesus (Matthew 27:1-10).

Is there any hope for King Saul, Judas and Greg? Are they lost forever? Growing up, I remember hearing answers like, “Suicide is an unforgivable sin—once you’ve done it you are dead, so how can you ask for forgiveness?” Or, “Suicide is selfish. It is the weakling’s way out.”

Samson. He wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he was a self-centred egomaniac. God chose Samson before birth, blessed him with fantastic strength and then used him to lead Israel for 20 years (Judges 16:31). However, Samson’s salvation, like ours, is based on reliance on God’s power to save, rather than his own. I don’t think he realised that until his dying breath.

It is that dying breath that fascinates me. “Let me die with the Philistines!” he shouts as he struggles with all his might to tear down the pagan temple of Dagon in which he stands. God grants Samson’s wish—his strength is returned for a brief moment—and Samson is buried with thousands of God’s enemies.

Will Samson go to heaven? He suicided. In fact, it was an assisted suicide. There’s a dilemma to ponder!

Jesus’ death had many hallmarks of a suicide. He planned his death (Mark 10:45), He knew when He would die (John 12:23), the way He would die (Matthew 26:2), the result His death would have (John 3:16), He had the power to stop it (Matthew 26:53), and ultimately He chose the moment of His death (Luke 23:46).
Far from needing to ask forgiveness for His final act, it was Jesus’ final act that brought forgiveness to the entire population of Planet Earth from Genesis to Revelation. And diametrically opposed to the selfishness of Samson, Jesus was other focused to his very core.

I wish Greg had understood how valuable this sacrifice made him.

So, what am I saying about suicide? What is the future for Samson, Saul, Judas and Greg? In a nutshell I'm saying that “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). In God’s eyes, life—this life, the life to come, your life and my life—is all about the state of our heart. So, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

May your heart and life be generous, loving, forgiving, and focused on living.

Bible quotations are from the NIV.